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--- letters_of_dr._bowman_breed [2019/03/19 14:50]
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+++ letters_of_dr._bowman_breed [2019/05/10 15:15] (current)
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 Bowman
 Relay House Camp
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 My wish is at last accomplished and we are comfortably established in camp. Our equipage came yesterday afternoon and we soon had the tent up and found ourselves comfortably housed. Or rather tented at last. Our camp is pitched on the top of the hill on whose side we were quartered yesterday. The view is superb. Our camp is on a level portion on the top of the hill. The parade ground is in front. Then the tents for the companies are pitched in rows with streets between. In the rear is the Colonels tent and behind all are my quarters on one hill and the quartermaster with all the stores on the other. I have a fine large tent for Tapley and myself and in the rear two tents placed side by side for the hospital. I was talking with some of the officers last night, and we all agreed that if we could only have our wives and babies here we could find no pleasanter place to spend a month or two. That is all my thought. If you could only be here and I could know just where you were and be able to comfort you and do for you I should be happy.
-{{letters_of_dr._bowman_breed_image_0.jpg}}
 We are all well. Several of the men have had sore throats but generally all are well. I was never better in my life. It is rather hard for anyone as particular as I am to have to sleep night after night with my clothes on but these are minor inconveniences and while I feel well and sleep well I get on nicely. You ask why I don't write for the paper. If you could live here one day you would wonder how you get your letters. We have lived in a perfect Babel ever since we left home. Everyone is new to the business, and there are ten thousand questions to be asked. Everyone runs to me at all times of the day and evening. There are interruptions but the day slips by and evening comes after and passes before I have time to write a word. I have written several letters to you after 11 at night. I hope now to have more time. I have several letters to answer that ought to have been attended to since. You must excuse me to all who complain about neglect. I have not received my letter for today yet but expect it by the mail this afternoon. You must direct all my letters just as you have the others to Washington. They know there just where we are and forward our letters daily. God bless you my precious one and keep you always in his love and care. Love to all. Kisses for baby and the whole heart of
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 Your Bowman
 Camp Essex May 17th (1861)
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 Bowman
 Washington May 18th (1861)
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-At Mary's. Sat. May 18th (1861)
-My own dear husband.
-Much to my delight I received a letter from you yesterday. I was afraid that in making the change, you would have So much to do that you would not be able to write. But Alonzo came for Baby and me, bring[ing] the letter with him.[[#_ftn57|[57]]] I did not write last night as usual. I was So tired from the Extra labor of getting ready to come and from the riding over, and then Seeing So many people after I got here. I have just waked up from a little nap here on the lounge and feel very much better -- feel nicely.
-Baby is taking a lunch, but behaves as if he would much rather take the pen and write to Papa.
-I did indeed feel very anxious when I learned that you were to go to the Relay House. It Seemed more like going into actual Service. I was afraid that the Regt. would be attacked and then the wicked attempts to poison wh have been made at that place. I did and do Suffer very much darling. I cannot help feel very anxious, and at times I feel that I can bear the Separation no longer, that I will ask you to come home, but I know how unpleasant it would be for you to leave under the circumstances -- that you went from a Sense of duty and I feel that I am wrong.
-Your letters are So, So precious -- what could I do without them, and then I have the baby. I feel Sometimes that I must have you with me to take Some of the responsibility. I feel So incompetent in Every way, but Still he is a great comfort. I only wish that you could share it with me, and then I Should be happy. I do live more in the future, but oh, thepainfulpresent.
-I am So glad to learn by the morning paper that Hinks is chosen Col. It will add So much to your happiness. I love his wife very much and pity her too. She mourns the absence of her husband very much. She Says She Sometimes feels (although not often nor long at a time) that She does not care how it is Settled -- wh Side is victorious, provided it can be Settled up and let her husband come home. It is indeed a wicked war. When I See how much Suffering is caused, in Every [home], not only to those who go, but to those who remain, I feel almost impatient and rebellious. Business men both in Lynn and Danvers look very blue, Danvers people particularly. I have been trying to get Ira to Say that he will go to Washington, but he has not yet Said Yes -- although I hope that he will....
-Alonzo is to take this letter to the Office and it [is] time that he Should go, So that I must Stop. I wish, oh how I wish that I could write you my heart's love. Oh Bowman if you could only be here for a few minutes, if I could See you for a few minutes, if I could See you and kiss you or if I could only go to you, and be folded in your arms, do Something for your comfort and happiness, love, love you in your arms how happy I Should be, but I can See no hope as yet for it at present. Oh may God Ever guide and guard you, place his Everlasting arms round and about you is the prayer of your true and loving wife.
-Hannah
-Baby Sends millions of kisses, although he is Sound asleep.
-Fanny gave me this peppermint last Sabbath Saying give it to Bow'n. So here it is but I am afraid that fat Uncle Sam may Sit upon it rather heavily.
 Camp Essex May 19th (1861)
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-Sunday Eve. May 19th (1861)
-My darling Bowman,
-It is one of those calm peaceful Sabbath Evenings, w'h May often gives to us. I am Sitting at the window in Mary's Sleeping -- overlooking the garden (the garden w'h used to have the paths). Baby is asleep in bed, and if you were only here oh I could be So happy, but you are far away, perhaps Suffering, while I am here, mourning your absence. Oh Bowman when will the time come for your return.
-This morning I went to church -- heard Mr. Hatcher preach to the Soldiers. His text was in 1st Cor. 16th Ch. 13th v. -- It was a good, practical discourse. Just what Soldiers need -- what we all need. He Spoke of the peculiar temptations of Soldier life. They were far away from the restraints of home, and although he did not doubt for a moment their bravery in battle, he hoped that they would not consider him weak or distrustful if he feared for them in times of temptation.
-He Spoke to them long and Earnestly of the temptation to intemperance. Said that there would be the temptation to drink, of both fatigue and Ease. After a long and toilsome march, they could Easily persuade themselves that they needed, actually needed the Stimulus of liquor, and then again there would be times when for days there would be nothing to do, when time would hang heavily, and then they needed to watch, and be Strong. Of profanity, obscenity, and kindred Sins he Spoke with a great deal of feeling. Warned them of imprudence in regard to health. Their lives were precious, particularly now in the time of their country's peril. It was disloyal to be imprudent etc etc. He closed by Entreating them to take Christ as their leader, and captain.
-This afternoon M. Putnam the Universalist minister, addressed them. I did not go for I felt that I could bear no more. I Suffered So much this morning from trying to restrain my feelings, that I knew that if I went again I must break down. I felt that it was better for me to Stay at home with Baby. Alonzo Stayed with me, and took almost the Entire care of him. There are two companies here in Danvers. It was a novel Sight to See the great part of the pews in the body of the house filled with Soldiers, in uniform, aisles & Entry crowded with people, and then too the drum and fife. Oh it was Sad, Sad, Sad! All this to put down a rebellion w'h Mr. F. Said for ignoble treachery & base ingratitude was unparalleled in history.
-Mon morning, May 20th
-... I did not Sleep at all in the day time, but M. Says that it is just what I need, and that I Shall grow fleshy if I keep on. So, I Shall Sleep all I can. I think you need not be troubled about my having no girl, for I have two girls and a boy now, besides M. I hardly take the baby at all, am afraid he'll forget his Mama. I am Sorry that I cannot be at home this morning to help pack the Ex. bundle. You will See that I have overcome my prejudices Enough to Send you a box of cigars, but I do Sincerely hope that it will, taken with the other boxes of medicine, work a permanent cure. ...
-Calvin is going, So I must Stop. I got no letter from you on Sat. but I hope that I Shall receive one today. Your precious, precious letters. I think that I could repeat Some of them verbatim, I have read them over So many times. Sabbath days are So long without a letter from you. Mary Says give my best love to Bowman. All Send a great deal of love. Alice Says "Tell him that Baby is very patriotic, he has got on red white and blue." She and Alonzo have tied up his Sleeves with a red ribbon on one Side and blue on the other. Oh Bowman, my own dear husband. I love love love you and kiss you a thousand times. God Ever bless and keep you.
 Camp Essex May 20th (1861)
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 Bowman
 Camp Essex, St. Dennis Md
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 Bowman
-Lynn May 21st (1861)
-My dearest Son,
-Your welcome note to Lucilla was duly received, and will be soon answered by her. I thought I would write a few lines. We see by the paper tonight that the Mass. troops are to go to Fort Munroe soon. We no sooner please ourselves with the thought that you are comfortably located than the next news is that you are to remove. Well this is camp life! I know we ought to be prepared for it. Sometimes I think how could we let you go? Then I despise my selfishness and feel that we ought to be willing to bear our full share in this righteous cause. I am sure you have a full share of revolutionary blood in your veins. No more of that. We shall feel in duty bound to keep you posted on Lynn affairs while Hannah is away. ...
-Duty must now be my watchword. I intend to devote much of my leisure this Summer to carrying Hannah and Lucilla and the baby to rides, if the old horse will only enter into my plans. I do not intend to interfere in the least with Hannah's making a good visit to her friends, but shall be thankful when it is over. as I have filled up my paper I can only say once more God bless and protect my son.
-Mother
 Camp Essex Md
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 Camp Essex. Md.
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-Wed May 22nd (1861)
-My darling Bowman,
-Imagine me Sitting in one of the arm-chairs, in the Sitting room at "Pa Pope's," Mother, Mary & Asenath talking and laughing and talking and I trying to write to my dear husband. This is "lection day" and just Such a day as Election day often was when I was a child had an invitation to a party, and wanted to wear light dresses and white cotton Stockings. Cold and disagreeable. If I was a child I Shall probably Spend most of the forenoon Standing at the window or door watching the clouds, to know the prospect for being "dressed up" in the afternoon. As it is I am Sitting here feeling quite like an old lady, very much older than when you were at home. I think that if you want to See me with one brown hair that you had better leave immediately. I wish that I could know where you are this morning, whether you are well and happy. I received no letter from you yesterday and the time is So long. When I must wait two nights, I feel hungry, -- and nothing will Satisfy me but one of your letters to devour.
-Baby is Sleeping Sweetly. It Seems So hard that you cannot be with him, when he grows so interesting Every day. He is getting very wild. Aunt Sarah Says with one of her queer looks "It is very Strange that he Should be a little "wide awake". Mother is very pleasant indeed, but has given up going to Boston, the weather was So unpleasant yesterday. I am afraid that we are to have our May-meeting Storm. I Shall be very Sorry for I wanted to live outdoors with the baby while I Staid here. Oh Bowman if you could only be here, and we could travel about in these fields and woods for a few weeks, how much we might Enjoy, but Such is not life! We must take the bitter with the Sweet. God knows what is best for us.
-Tomorrow, as you Say, one month of your Stay is over. It does not Seem possible that you have been gone but a month and a half. It Seems like years, long years. The two months to come Stretch away beyond my imagination. Oh Bowman I do hope and trust that when we are again united, that God will grant that we may never again be Separated. Oh it is hard, when life at the longest is So Short that loved and loving ones must be Separated. James is going by the office and if I close in a minute can Send. God bless you my own darling husband. Oh Bowman, when Shall I See you.
-I love love love you and kiss you. Baby is well and Sends thousands of kisses to his dear papa.
-Your loving and true wife
 Camp Essex Md, Friday May 24th (1861)
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 Bowman
-Fri Evening May 24th (1861)
-My Ever dear husband,--
-I received your letter of the 21st this morning, -- was So glad to hear that you are Still well. You will have learned before this by my letter of the 21st what has troubled me So much. There is very little to write, but you know how wearing is this constant Exhibition of feeling, but I think there will not be anything more of the kind. So no more. Do not let it trouble you in the least. Pray do not.
-George brought me the copy of a telegram received at the Lynn office, and the Evening paper confirms the Sad news of the assassination of Ellsworth. Oh what a Shocking Story. If this is to be their mode of warfare, what can we Expect. It Seems to me that they have a great deal to fear from the revengeful feeling Excited in that one company of Zouaves. Oh when or where will be the End of this wicked rebellion. Oh the misery -- misery of Every form w'h this has caused and will cause. Oh if I could only know how and where you are tonight, but God's arms are around and about you. Oh for more faith and trust in an Almighty arm. Oh Bowman my own darling husband how long must this last. Oh for one loving kiss! -- one tender Embrace. May God comfort and bless you, darling.
-Sat. morn'g.--
-I have but a minute before this must go, only long Enough to Say Good morning dear husband.
-I wish I could know just where you are and what you are doing this morning. I am So glad to know that you think there has been no real case of poisoning. Such things are more to be dreaded than battle. You are not prepared for Such treachery.
-Baby is Sound asleep. He is very well indeed, grows more interesting Every day, but Sadly misses his Papa. ...
-God bless you my own darling! Oh I love love love and kiss from now until you return. Baby Sends kisses without number. Your loving & true wife
-Hannah
 Camp Essex Md
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 Bowman
 Camp Essex Md.
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 Bowman
 Camp Essex Md
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 Bowman
-Sunday May 26th (1861)
-My own dear husband,--
-This has been one of the most beautiful days Since you left -- alternate Sun and Shower -- but So warm that I have carried Baby out with a little Shawl thrown over him.
-This morning I went to Mr. Braman's church, heard Mr. Davenport from Rhode Island preach to the Soldiers.-- His text was in 2nd Chronicles, 29th Chap. 15th v. It was a very good discourse, but not calculated, I think, to do So much good as Mr. F's.
-This afternoon I Staid at home,-- feeling too tired to go out. I have Scarcely any care of the baby here, there are So many who contend for him. Alice has just brought in Some of the most beautiful apple blossoms I have Ever Seen. This warm weather will if it continues Soon make the country look finely. Oh if you could only be here to Enjoy it with me. I do love the country and the quiet of country life. ...
-We have today received the news of the victory of the troops at Sewall's Pt. It is reported here that 84 of our men, and 400 of the rebels killed and wounded, 600 rebels taken prisoners.[[#_ftn62|[62]]] I Suppose we must Expect now Every day to hear of Something of the kind, but oh it is dreadful to think of the grief of the friends on both Sides. with those who have friends in those Regts the Suspense must be awful. I did hope that it might not come to fighting, that numbers on our Side would So intimidate the South that they would without fighting lay down their arms, but I Suppose many of them would rather die than live to bear the humiliation of yielding to the North. Oh those cruel wicked leaders. It Seems as if they were left to destroy themselves, and bring destruction upon their Section of the country.
-It was in yesterday's paper that Gen. Butler's promotion would throw the Staffs of the different regiments in the M.V.M. out of office, and that their places would be Supplied from the Army of the United States. Can this be true? I do not understand why if it is So, it has not been thought of before, as Gen. B. was promoted So long ago.
-Dr. G. has just been in and Says that the report is that all killed are from Mass. but I cannot and do not believe it.[[#_ftn63|[63]]] It does not Seem reasonable unless Gen. B. had Mass. men Entirely
-Sab. Evening,--
-It is bed time but I must write one word more to my dear husband. You Speak of your Express box. It was to have been Sent on Mon. but the Suit was not finished and it was delayed, I think L. told me until Thurs. also the book was Sent by Mr. Usher, instead of by B. Mooreas he would go directly back to the 8th Regt.[[#_ftn64|[64]]] I Suppose that [you] have received it before this. ...
-I am So glad that you had your pictures before your hair was cut So close, but Still I would have you tarry at no Jericho (there is an h. in Jericho, and only one m. in imagination. Latin, imago, my darling) not Even for one half Second. Hair or no hair I would give all I have got to See you. I Send you with this letter a copy of the Psalms. I Saw it and thought that it would be just what you would like, convenient Size and form and good print. I bought one for myself also. Oh Bowman if you were only here and I could Sit in your lap while reading, and kneel at your Side in prayer with your dear dear arms around me how happy I Should be. Oh it Seems Sometimes as if I could bear it no longer, but God knows what is best for us. I know that Sometimes your heart must ache, that you feel this Separation as keenly as I do and then the dear little one. Oh Bowman I can write no more. May this dear little book bring to you hours of comfort & consolation, and oh may God bring us to Each others arms Either here or Elsewhere. God comfort and bless you my own darling husband. Give his angels charge over you to keep you in all your ways, is the prayer of your true and loving wife.
-Mon Evening May 27th (1861)
-My own dear husband.
-I received today two letters from you -- one mailed in Boston, the other dropped in the Danvers Office. ... Oh Bowman your letter of the 23rd has done me So much good. Yet you have not answered my questions. What Should I have done. What Shall I do or Say. I could not help feeling that it was a little unreasonable, hearing Every day all that they did hear, and knowing how little time you have in w'h to write.
-I have had my dress cut today by H. Hook. We think it a very handsome travelling dress.-- I needed a dress and thought I would get Something Suitable to go to my dear husband wherever he may be. So you See that you need not hesitate to Send for me through fear that I Shall not be ready.
-It has been a `Showery' day with us. Quite a heavy thunder Shower. This Evening very windy and dismal, Everything about the house hung with hinges dismally creaking, but your letter has made me feel very cheerful. besides I feel So much better physically than when I left Lynn. I have So little care of Baby and have Slept So much that I feel almost as well as Ever. There is no lack of company. A great many have called and Every one who has Seen you Exclaims, "Oh what a beautiful baby." "How much he looks like the Dr." or Some Say "like his Father." He is a beautiful baby. Oh if you could only be with us, I Should be perfectly happy. Oh Bowman it is that you have loved me So well, that you have Ever folded me in your arms and comforted me when in Sorrow, have So tenderly cared for me, that I miss you So Sadly. I did not Suspect until Since we parted how dependent upon you I had become for comfort in Every little trial.
-I had So long, yes from a child, lived So much within myself, and borne my bitterest griefs alone, as far as human Sympathy is concerned, that when God gave me a dear husband, one who was Ever ready to bear Every Sorrow, I yielded myself like a tired and delighted child, and now that you are away from me feel a constant longing for your Strong and loving arms. I can never for one moment forget you, darling, and can Scarcely look at your picture without bursting into tears. God has Sustained. He has been a present help in time of trouble. The Lord is the Strength of my life. Oh may he Speedily put an End to this wicked Strife, and bring together again the loved and loving ones.
-Tomorrow I Expect to go to the Farm. Direct your letters the Same as before, as it is uncertain how long I may Stay, and I Shall get them as Early in the day as if you directed to Danvers Center. The High School Scholars will take them to me Every day. I know darling that you would come to me if it were possible to do So consistently. I know and you know, Sadly as I miss you, that I would not for a moment wish you to do anything in the least dishonorable. May God help us both to bear this Separation, -- bring us together again in his own good time, better prepared for life's duties, than Ever before. Baby has had So much of a cold that I have not carried him out So much as I Should otherwise, but now he is Entirely free from his cold, and is carried out Every day. it is nearly 11 oclk. I am breaking our rules. Good night darling with a thousand kisses.
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 Bowman
 Camp Essex Md
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-Wed. Evening May 29th (1861)
-My own precious husband,
-I have just received three letters from [you]. I received none yesterday. Oh if you could only know how I long for your letters, and how heavily the day drags by that brings no letters. ...
-You will know of course that the news in regard to the taking of Sewall's Pt was a base fabrication. It was contradicted in the next morning's paper but I forgot to Speak of it in my Monday's letter, also of the discharge of officers of the Staff of Mass. reg'ts, referring only to Gen. Butler's Staff. In your Mon. morning letter you Speak of Everything going wrong.Is your place on the whole pleasant? Are the patients generally Satisfied? I know that they ought to be, but quackery So prevails, and as Dr. Perley Says people do So love to be humbugs that I feel Sometimes that your position may at times be unpleasant. Do write me darling, particularly in regard to it. Oh if I could only have your head in my lap, could Soothe you in the least, could bear your Sorrows for you how gladly would I do it, but as you Say this cannot be. oh this inevitable "cannot!" It Seems Sometimes as if I can bear this Separation no longer. Only one third of the time gone! Oh may God help us both to bear this! I hope that before this you have received the little copy of the Psalms w'h I Sent you. Isn't it a pretty little volume. I thought that your Bible would be at times inconvenient to take about your person, and this little book could be Slipped into Some little pocket. I Shall read the 29th Psalm tonight feeling that perhaps you are reading or have read from a little book like this before me.[[#_ftn66|[66]]] Good night my own darling. I kiss you with a God bless you. Oh for your dear arms around me.
-Thurs. morn'g.
-Contrary to my Expectations it is pleasant, a clear bright morning, but rather cold. I Shall take Baby out, and keep him out as much as possible while I am here. Addie is with me to help take care of Baby, So that I Shall have a very Easy time, if we are both well. Mother is very pleasant, and Pa of course Enjoys having us here very much. Although I had three of your letters last night, I feel just as Eager this morning for another. ...
-I am So Sorry that you have not a pleasanter man for a Chaplain. A man with a good Sound head and good heart would do So much good. He could have had very little idea of camp life, if he Supposed that he was to be waited upon much. I wish that you could have had M. Clark. He is very anxious to get a Situation in the Army Either as officer, private or Chaplain. I think that he would mingle with the men, and they could not fail to like him. For your Sake I would wish that you might have Mr. Sewall but I Suppose that he does not think Seriously of going. Pa is ready to go and I must Stop. God Ever bless and keep you my own dear husband -- hasten the time of your return.
-Your loving loving wife.
 Camp Essex Md.
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 Bowman
-Thurs. May 30th (1861)
-My darling husband,
-Let me tell you how I have Spent the day. I got up this morning at a little past 5 o'k (thanks to the young man) washed and dressed myself and the "young doctor," had breakfast, after w'h Baby went to Sleep and I went to washing for S'd baby. At 9 o'k young man awoke, we had luncheon and Addie and I dragged the little one over to Uncle Jasper's.
-{{letters_of_dr._bowman_breed_image_1.jpg}}
-We were out of doors with Baby more than two hours. He Slept during part of the time, and Sat bolt upright, delighted with the beauties of Nature, apparently, the remainder. Came home at 11 1/2 -- went to bed and Slept until dinner was ready at 12 1/4. After dinner tended Baby for awhile until he went to Sleep, then did my ironing and had just got baby dressed after his nap when callers came. Mary Wolcott and Lydia P. Putnam. I Suppose you will Say to yourself if not aloud, from force of habit, if nothing Else, Who in the world are they? Well you have heard me Speak of them a great many times. They are daughters of Uncle Nathan, who lives in the brick house on the way from Lynn to the Plains. Had a few minutes before tea. Enlarged the armsizes to one of Baby's Shirts. Had Supper, undressed Baby and put him to bed, asleep. -- Now writing to my darling husband by twilight. Oh if you were only here and I could Sit in your lap, if I could not Say one word how I would kiss you. Oh my heart is full, full of you. Oh I never knew So long a month as the month of May, 1861. I cannot tell, I cannot begin to Express my love and longing for you.
-Fri. morning.
-When I left writing last night, it was So dark that I could not See, but fully intended to write again when the lamps were lighted but threw myself on the Sofa and Slept Soundly until late in the Evening. You will See that I have not got Entirely over my Sleepiness. I have had neuralgia in my head for a few days past, and I think it makes me more Sleepy. ...
-Oh these are pleasant beautiful days! but my Sunlight is in Baltimore. I would rather be there with you, uncomfortable as the weather and accommodations might be, than be here with Every convenience. Your yesterday's letter was So Short that I was obliged to read it over a great many times ... Every word was precious. do not fail to write if it be but a word. I am glad that you have had So many pleasant visitors from Lynn. It must do you a great deal of good to See Some one from this way. Oh darling God Ever bless and keep you and return you Speedily to your loving wife
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 Camp Essex Relay House
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-Fri. Evening May 31st (1861)
-My own dear dear husband,
-Today has been a long very pleasant one but I feel very tired this Evening. Have been out with Baby nearly all day. This morning went in to Zeph'h Pope's, and of course we must have an adventure. We went over very nicely, but I thought that it would be very pleasant to come back through "the old lane," through w'h I used to go to School, forgetting that there was a brook, w'h might Easily be crossed on "Stepping Stones" but hardly the brook to draw a baby-carriage through. It was too far to go back in the hot Sun, So I took Baby in arms, holding my coats "higher than you have any idea on," and walked across on the Stones. Addie took out the pillows and carriage blanket laid them upon the wall and Started with the intention of Stepping upon the Stones and drawing the carriage through the water, but when nearly across She made a miss-Step, and Stepped into the water. I wish that you could have Seen her foot, when She fished it up out of the mud. I left her on the grass with Baby and went back for pillows and blanket, -- poor Addie all the while laughing herself weak at my appearance.
-I had been at home but a few minutes -- had my feet in Some warm water when Mother and Fred came driving into the yard, in your buggy.[[#_ftn69|[69]]] My Eyes would fill with tears Every time I looked upon the chaise, and thought how much we Enjoyed together in our rides. This afternoon I went with them to call upon Aunt Sarah taking Baby along. So you See that he does not lack for Sun and air. They left this afternoon 4-30. Old Phillip really does very well. I think that Mother will keep him going this Summer at least. She is very anxious that I Should go back to Lynn Soon, but it is So much Easier for me to take care of Baby here. I have So many to help me, and it is So much better for us both to be here that I think that I Shall Stay here, at Uncle J's and the Plains for Some weeks to come. E. & M. both Say that I Shall not go back until it is nearly time for you to return. Oh Bowman Speaking of your return reminds me of what you Say in regard to the 8th Regts volunteering for the war. You tell me that I must not be blue, if I See Such a report. Oh Bowman the bare possibility that you might Stay longer than the three months has haunted me night and day for weeks. I could not help throwing myself upon the bed and crying it out alone when I got yours of today in w'h you Speak of it. I know that whatever you do, you will act from a Sense of duty, -- that if you Stay it will be a bitter bitter trial for you as well as for me. Oh I cannot, I will not write about it. I cannot bear the thought yet. Oh these long weary days, full of bright Sunshine, fullof Everything that is beautiful in nature, to be Sure, but lacking the one thing w'h can make me truly happy, -- my dear dear husband. I do not for one moment forget you, -- there is a heavy aching heart, here, waiting, wearily waiting, your return. And there too the dear little one. I feel at times that I can have the responsibility no longer, alone -- that I am utterly incompetent. Oh I did not mean to write in this Sad way. I had better not write at all. I believe I have less and less courage Every day. Good night my own darling husband. May God bless you abundantly, keep you, and bring you Speedily to you loving and true wife
-Hannah
-Oh I love lovelove you and kiss you a thousand times. Oh how I miss your dear Strong arms! --
 Camp Essex Md
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 Camp Essex Relay House Md
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 Camp Essex Md
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 Bowman
-Mon morning June 3rd (1861)
-My own dear husband,
-Yesterday morning I did not go to church but Baby kept me busy most of the time. Afternoon went to church. ...
-I received yours of the 30th yesterday in w'h you Speak of receiving the pay of an Assistant Surgeon. What can it mean? I Suppose that Every Surgeon fares the Same of course. How is it with Dr. Smith? I would not be troubled about it. You will have had the Experience and gained many warm friends I know. As to the ignorant Methodist class leader, it is just as you Say. "So the world goes." We are willing, aren't we, darling, to float with it, if we can only float upon the Same wave. Anywhere, anyhow, with you by my Side.
-There are reports in the papers that the N. York regiment was Stoned while going through Baltimore. Oh I do hope that Such things will not go unpunished. It Seems to me that however trifling the injury done, the Spirit Should be checked ...
-God bless you darling. My heart is full but no time to make the attempt of writing it out.
-Mon Eve'g June 3rd (1861)
-My dear dear husband,
-I have just received your letter in w'h you Say that Col. Hinks has telegraphed for his wife to meet him. I am almost tempted to Say that I will let the night go by without writing, Shabbily Short as my letter was this morning. Not that I do not rejoice with Mrs H. Oh I am glad for her, but I feel So Sad, that my letter, I am afraid, will do you more harm than good.
-I cannot Say that I am disappointed in not going. I never have had any hope or Expectation of going to you, although you do not mention in your objections the reason of reasons for my Staying. I know that Mrs Black considered it imprudent to take a babe of Six months with her when She went South for the Winter. She felt obliged, hard as it was for her to do it, to leave it behind, and I know that to take a babe South in the Summer would be presumption. My place is at home with the little one. I can have no hope of Seeing you until the End of the three months, perhaps not then. Oh it Seems at times as if I could bear this no longer. I have always written and So have you to me, as though there was a possibility that I could go to you but we may as well meet the truth face to face, as to try to deceive ourselves by Such writing.
-You acted from a Sense of duty in offering your Services to the Regt. It must be our comfort, now that the bitterness of Separation grows day by day more trying. -- God has ordered all our Steps. He knows what we need. He will help us to bear all our trials if we will but trust him, but how often we go to Christ with our Sorrows, yet leave them not with him, but Strange as it may Seem, Still willingly bear our burdens alone. Oh Bowman, my heart is So cold, my faith So weak, that I am ready at times to give up my hope, then the question comes where or to whom Shall I go? My only refuge, my only hope is Christ! Oh if you were only here, that I might be folded in your arms tonight. Oh may God's angels Encamp round about you this night. God bless you, comfort you in all your Sorrows. I will, I can write no more tonight.
-Tues. morning.
-It is not 6 o'clock, but Baby is washed and dressed, and with Addie in bed. It is a bright beautiful morning, and I can but hope that to both of us it will bring Everything of joy. Elizabeth is coming to Uncle Jasper's on Thursday and will Stay until they return from the country. I Shall probably Stay there with her most of the time. Aunt S. wishes me very much,  I cannot tell yet when I Shall go back to Lynn. I cannot bear to think of going back into that lonely chamber, besides I cannot but think that L[ucilla], although She Says a great deal about my Staying away with the baby and that She is So lonesome, is happier on the whole than when I am there and receiving your letters Every day. She is very lonely when I am thereSo that my Staying makes no difference in that particularly.
-Am I not right,-- is it not better to give up all hope of my going to you, rather than to try to think that Sometime I can go. I cannot See how you are likely to be Situated any better than at present. You have never intimated until yesterday that you apprehended in the least an attack while there. I suppose you have feared that it might make me more anxious. Oh Bowman God only knows what I Suffer when the thought comes that I may never See you again in this world,-- and God alone can Sustain me in this trial. He has Sustained me. Oh pray for me that I may have faith and that Strength may be given me for the care of this little one.
-Oh darling may God watch over & keep you is the prayer of your loving wife.
-Hannah.
@@ Line 591: / Line 287: @@
 Bowman
-Tues. Eve'g June 4th (1861)
-My own dear husband,
-Asenath Exclaims Why! are you going to write. I have been reading the papers, and it is quite late. There is a fascination about the papers, although the reports are So contradictory. Received yours of June 1st today, in wh you Speak of trouble arising from bad use of money, received on the 30th.--
-I am So glad that you have now So Efficient a colonel, and that he is So well Sustained. What could you have done, had Monroe Still been Col.? I wish that I could See Mrs Hinks, but I Suppose that She may have left before now. ...
-I wish that I could recall the letter Sent this morning. I am afraid that it will make you Sadly unhappy. When I found that Mrs H. was to go and I must be left behind, it Seemed for a time more than I could bear. I felt the utter hopelessness as never before of going to you. If I could only know that your regiment would return in three months, it would be comparatively Easy, but this dreadful uncertainty. Oh Bowman Shall I Stop writing? It Seems as if my letters of late had all been Sad, Sad, -- calculated to depress you, and make your lot harder than it need be. Forgive me for the pain w'h I have caused you, and pray for your loving, if not always cheerful wife.--
-I took Baby today into our neighbors to compare him with another baby of six and a half months. It was a fine healthy looking child but I think could boast of no more beauty than ours. I do not think our baby very handsome (I have forgotten that I had written you that Everybody Says that he [looks] just like his Papa, Excuse me. I will take it all back when you come home) but then he is so good, and we, the "Staff" think him very interesting. He was So interested in worldly matters to night that I could not get him to Sleep until nearly 8 o'clock. He Examined carefully Every round of the rocking chair, with a view I Should judge of making one of the Same pattern, carried on long and apparently interesting conversations with an important individual, known as Baby, etc etc. It is getting late very late. ...
-Wed. morning, June 5th Another bright day. Shall take the baby out again today. He is growing very fast, and Seems perfectly well
-Enjoys his rides in the open air very much. Looks a young prince with his two horses (Addie & I) to draw him. Oh if I could only See you this morning, could give you one kiss how happy I Should be. Do you think the Reg't will be retained for the war? Love to Mrs H. if She is there.
-Your own true wife
@@ Line 637: / Line 309: @@
-Thurs Even'g June 6th (1861)
+Furlough\\
+Camp Essex June 7th (1861)\\
-My own dear husband,
+Col EW Hinks\\
+Dear Sir\\
-I received yours of June 4th today in w'h you relieve yourself in regard to Dr H's letter. I had read the letter and felt a little "mad" myself. But you have never complained in the least in your letters to me, and in no letter from any member of the 8th have I read that they felt that they had had a very hard time. The members of the 7th N.Y. Reg't wrote very differently in regard to it but I had thought that perhaps to them, as a regiment, the change from their luxurious Style of living to a Soldier's life was greater, therefore the different tone of the letters. but certainly Gen. Scott is old Enough to know, and that w'h would draw tears from a Gen. Butler's Eyes could not have been of So trifling a character. ...
-This has been a rainy day but we have had a nice warm fire in the "air tight", and have been here in the Sitting room all day. Baby thinking that he could not go out has made the best of it by Sleeping an unusual length of time.
-It is So Still here that he has nice naps. Sleeps oftentimes without waking but once during the night. Addie is Still Staying with me, So that I get along nicely with Baby. ...
-You Speak as though you considered it doubtful whether the 8th Reg't were offered for the war, while Poorwrites that it has already tendered its Services for three years. Oh Bowman you tell me not to be Sad, but it is Easier, very much Easier to give that advice than to follow it when given. I am doing all I can and the best I know for the baby, but I feel the responsibility more and more Each day. It is not a little thing darling for a mother to have the whole care of a babe of 5 months. Baby is waking and I must Stop. God bless you.
-Fri. morning June 7th.--
-Another cold Stormy day. If we could average our weather with yours! We have had few really warm days thus far. A very cold backward Spring. Many thanks for the rose-bud. It Shall be treasured carefully, and kept as a precious thing. ...
-I wake Every morning with the Sad consciousness that you are far away from [me]. At night my last thought is of you. Oh if I could only be with you. I care not where it is. Good by till tomorrow darling!
-Your loving wife
-Hannah
-The neuralgia troubles me very little indeed.
+I hereby request leave of absence for Eight days to go to Mass for the transaction of some private business which requires personal attention.\\
-Fri June 7th (1861)
-My own dear husband,
-I have just laid Baby into the bed awake, and while he is getting what fun he can from the blanket, I will write a word to my dear one. I have just received yours of the 5th in wh’ you tell me that Mrs. Hinks had arrived. Oh Bowman if I could only go to you. I try to be reconciled but oh the tears will come. ...
-I am making a longer Stay here than I Expected to make, but Mother is very pleasant and urges me to Stay and then there has been So many rainy days that I have been about very little. ... Do you think that I am doing wrong in Staying away from Lynn So long. Anything of w'h Mother and Lue ought to complain? Tell me just how you feel and just what you think, dear husband. I will do just as you advise me if it is a possible thing.
-All these plans, of course, would make no difference about my going to you at any time. I have Every thing ready for myself and baby So that as far as dress is concerned I could Start at a very Short notice. You must decide this for me.
-Oh if you could know the longing to be folded in your arms once more. Yes, you do know,-- and you know the bitterness of this Separation. It Seems to me tonight that I must Say that I will go to you, that I can wait no longer, but then the dear little baby.-- Oh how I wish that you could have him to comfort you. If we only had lots and lots of money and I could only go with Baby to Philadelphia to board, that would Seem So much nearer, and we could See Each other often,-- but this is foolish.
-It is getting very late and I am nearing the bottom of the page. Oh my dear dear husband. I love love love you more and more. May God Soon unite us never to be Separated again. Let us hope and trust in him.
-Oh darling come to me, as Soon as duty will allow. God bless and keep you from all harm.--
-Furlough
-Camp Essex June 7th (1861)
-Col EW Hinks
-Dear Sir
-I hereby request leave of absence for Eight days to go to Mass for the transaction of some private business which requires personal attention.
-Bowman B Breed
-Surgeon 8th Reg
-Approved for reasons given
-Edw. W. Hinks
-Colonel 8th Regt. M.V.M.
-Approved
-Edward F Jones
-Colonel Mass Sixth
-Commandant of Post
-Wed June 12th (1861)
-My darling husband,
-It is nearly 10 oc'k but one word with my dear husband. I have been at home but a Short time. About 7 oc'k Dr. Perley came in and invited me to ride with him. So after getting baby to bed I went, had a nice ride on the beach and a pleasant Social time with the kind hearted doctor. It was hard, yes, impossible to keep back the tears when I thought of you, and of the rides w'h we have taken together but I did the best I could, and listened well, if I didn't talk much. I think of you now as on your way to N. York, if not too tired to keep awake, thinking of the loved ones at home. How different from your last journey to N. York, then with a regiment, cheered at Every Step by an Enthusiastic city full Spending the night in a car filled with officers in grave consultation etc etc. Now leaving quietly like an ordinary citizen. Oh how Stiff and mean is pen talk now.  Oh for your arms around me and a good look -- it is worth all the writing. Baby is Sleeping Sweetly on his dear Papa's Side, perhaps dreaming of him, his Mama Sitting in the little rocking [chair] by the bureau writing to him, not So utterly wretched as on the Evening of the 18th of Apr. 8 weeks ago tonight, but with a Sad longing, a dreary vacancy, a heavy, lonely pain at her heart. Oh Bowman these chords about our hearts are Every day, Every minute growing Stronger and Stronger.--
-I have known that you loved me, but never the full assurance before as now Dont Say that I am agreeing with Michellet and that we needed this Separation. Remember that I knew that you loved me before. No I cannot believe that we needed to be Separated, that we might love Each other more.
-I must read my chapter alone tonight. Oh my prayer is for you, that God will bless and keep you, make you happy and reunite us Speedily never again to be Separated. I love you, oh I love you So and kiss you Ever.
-Thurs. morn.
-... I am going as Soon as Baby wakes to M. Boyce's to talk and arrange for the flags.
-The papers Say nothing new this morning. the report is contradicted that Gen. B. has taken the batteries.[[#_ftn76|[76]]] Oh I do So wish that the inventor of these Stories could be punished in Some way. Oh Bowman if I could only have you with me. I got up this morning as heretofore washed and dressed the baby before 6 1/2, while Everything and body were quiet. God grant that we may live once more in Each others arms. this writing is Such a mean Substitute. It Seems more unsatisfactory than Ever.
-Baby is waking. Good bye darling till tonight. Dear, dear, dear husband Oh how I love you, and you love
-Your true wife,
-Hannah.
+Bowman B Breed\\
+Surgeon 8th Reg\\
+Approved for reasons given\\
+Edw. W. Hinks\\
+Colonel 8th Regt. M.V.M.\\
+Approved \\
+Edward F Jones\\
+Colonel Mass Sixth\\
+Commandant of Post\\
@@ Line 755: / Line 338: @@
 Bowman
-Thurs Even'g June 13th (1861)
-My dear dear husband,
-If you were here I Should Say, Oh Bowman my corns my corns! and when I tell you of the walk w'h we (that is Mary B. and I) have taken you'll not be Surprised. We have called upon Mrs G. Newhall & Mrs. Warner Mrs. E. Saunderson Mrs Usher Mrs. J.N. Saunderson, Maria Barnes & Mary Ann. We found Every one ready and glad to contribute towards the flag. We have confined (Mrs. Farnsworth has a little girl!) ourselves to the wives of the officers and the family (Maria B. comes in as one of the family) thinking that we Should offend Some if we did not call upon all of the privates wives or friends.[[#_ftn78|[78]]] I think that we Shall Succeed in getting as nice a flag as you desire. Have had a very pleasant Evening. I took Baby out for the air, and called at M's to talk about the flag. She insisted upon my Stopping to dinner, Saying that She had cooked a great dinner Expecting Aunt Dolly and that She hadn't come and I Should Stay and Eat Aunt D's Share. She proposed that we Should make our own Solicitations instead of Sending Ella. So consequently this tramp.
-Shall call tomorrow upon Mrs. Merritt & Mrs. Tapley. I have concluded to Stop until Monday morning, as Mother will go to Somerville tomorrow Expecting to bring Aunt Adams home with her and She wishes very much that She Aunt A. Should See the baby. Shall return in the morning that I may get your letter. -- was delighted when I got back from M's to find a note from you and that you spent the waiting hour So pleasantly. What did Sinclair Say? Didn't he offer to change places with you? He having no wife and baby Should have done So. It is after 10 oc'k. Baby Says, Mama, you Shant Sleep in the morning after 5 o'clock. So I must to bed. Oh if I could only know just where and how you are tonight -- could only be with you wherever it is, be folded in your dear Strong arms, how happy Should I be! but I must again read my Psalm alone, and pray that God would bless my dear husband, give his angels charge over him to keep him in all his ways.
-Oh my dear darling husband I love love you, and kiss you again and again.
-Fri. morn'g.--
-A bright beautiful morning. Am Expecting M. Boyce to go with me to make a few more calls. thought perhaps we might have old Philip, but Fred has gone to Somerville with Mother So no one to tackle, therefore the horse car.
-More tonight. Goodbye till then. from Your Ever loving and true wife.
-Hannah
-Lucilla Sends love
@@ Line 794: / Line 351: @@
 Bowman
 Camp Essex Md.
@@ Line 807: / Line 361: @@
 Bowman
-Sat. June 15th (1861)
-My darling husband,
-I can hardly believe my Eyes. It is nearly 11 o'k. Last Evening after meeting we went to Chapin's to help give Fannie a birthday Surprise. I went not because I felt that I Should Enjoy it but because I knew that you would like to have, but oh Bowman it was hard to keep back the tears, although I know that I Seemed very cheerful. They all tell me that I "Seem like a different woman." Your visit has indeed done me more good than I can tell, but I want you all the time. It does not Seem like living while you are away.
-Your letter in the Reporter I have read and I doubt not that it will be read with a great deal of interest and will draw tears from many Eyes besides those of your wife. It is a comfort always to know that we have Sympathy, and that our Sufferings are appreciated.
-I am dreading very much to Stay here over the Sabbath. I Should very much rather have gone to Danvers but although Aunt Adams has not come and is not Expected until Wed., yet the flag business is hardly Settled up and I do not like to leave until it is. It is So hard to have you away on the Sabbath. I miss you So much in going to church.
-The papers tell me that there are quantities of flowers about the camp. A Specimen now and then I Should be So glad to receive from my darling. Baby must be attended to. They Succeeded in getting a Splendid likeness of him yesterday. Little fellow Six months old today.
-Do not like to Send So Shabby a little note but must Stop. Oh! God bless you my dear dear husband. Oh for your arms.
-Your loving wife
@@ Line 847: / Line 379: @@
 Bowman
-Sabbath morn June 16th (1861)
-My own dear husband,
-I am Sitting at the window in our room overlooking the garden. Baby asleep in his crib, the rest of the family Scattered about generally. Frank writing you in your office.
-Have Spent most of the time while they were at church out under a tree in the back yard with the baby -- prospect of a thunder Shower drove me in, but we have only had a thunder. I hoped that we might have a little rain to lay the dust, and cool the air -- it is intensely hot. We call it hot, but I wish that I could know that it is as cool in Baltimore as here. I am afraid that you will Suffer very much from the heat, and that it may induce Sickness among the Soldiers. Men generally are So imprudent, in regard to diet and Exposure. I have been thinking, thinking, thinking of you all the forenoon. You are never out of my mind for a moment Except when I am asleep. My prayer for you continually is that God would bless and prosper you, give his angels charge over you to keep you in all your ways, and that he may Speedily unite us never again to be Separated. Oh may the time Soon come when in Somehome we may live in Each others arms. This is not living!
-Sun. Eve'g.
-At this time a week Since we were Sitting on the sofa in the parlor. I, oh So happy, in your arms. Oh Bowman, why this Separation. You told me that I must not be Sad when I thought of the possibility of your Enlisting for the war, but the fear will come, and the thought is almost agony. But I will trust in God. I will hope that he will Spare us this trial. The minister (Mr. Palmer of Salem) in his Sermon this afternoon Said that there was more Suffering from anticipated Sorrow than from actual, or rather from afflictions wh' we feared might come, than from those wh' we were actually called upon to bear. I think that there is a great deal of truth in the remark. Oh pray for your loving wife that She may be Enabled to leave all with Christ, to appreciate more fully the blessings Showered upon me, and to bear patiently the Sorrows wh' Each day brings.
-At times, tonight, this loneliness Seems almost insupportable. Oh for one hour with you, to feel your Strong and loving arms around me, for one kiss! But this cannot be, and we know that God has ordered all our ways. We know that he watches over us, Sees all our tears, and pitieth us, his children. Oh the joy in the knowledge of an Advocate with the Father, one who has been tempted, and acquainted with grief. Oh Bowman for more faith.
-Mon morn'g
-Mr Sewall has just been in and what do you Suppose was his Errand. Why to get me to play that organ. I told him that I Should about as Soon think of preaching for him. Well, he Said he would call upon me and take a vacation. We had a nice laugh over it all. ...
-Give a great deal of love to Mrs Hinks. Tell her that I love her very much. Ask Bartie if he will take my love. Baby is dressed to go out therefore this horrid writing. Oh darling. God bless you. I love love you and think of you all the time.
@@ Line 889: / Line 395: @@
-Ellsworth
-Mon Evening, June 17th (1861)
-My own darling husband
-Once more at the old Farm. ... Ira brought me your letter of the 13th this Evening. He came prepared to go over to Lynn if he had not found one here. So you See that I am likely to get your letters if Uncle Sam does his part faithfully. You Speak of confusion in the Reg't owing to the resignation of the Col. and other officers, and that the regiment has been Shabbily treated by the government.
-You then Say that "God only knows the future," and the tone implies that you feel disappointed and Somewhat discouraged. Oh Bowman had you So far decided to remain, had you had the opportunity that it causes you unhappiness to feel that the Reg't may not be accepted?
-I know the prospect for you in Lynn is dark, that you cannot think of returning there without feeling that you must again Sit down and wearily wait day after day for [Something that] does not come. but oh Bowman can you not forgive me for feeling a little relieved at the thought on your acct that it may not be accepted? I cannot but hope and believe that God will open Some way by wh' you can gain an honest livelihood and we not be Separated.
-When Everything was dark the opportunity was unexpectedly offered of your going with the regt for three months. You feel that this although bitter has been the Separation, has been of great Service to you,  that you have gained many friends who will interest themselves in your future welfare. Let us hope that Even if you are disappointed in this that God has brighter things in Store for us. Oh may God guide and guard us, lead us in the right path. Good night darling with thousands of kisses from your loving wife and the Baby.
-Tues. morn'g.
-You Speak of playing with little Bartie Hinks, but that he cannot fill the place in your heart w'h our little darling has. Dear little fellow has just gone to Sleep to dream of his dear Papa.
-This is a Splendid June morning. I wish that I could know just how and where you are, what doing and what thinking. Oh darling, there is a loving wife, wearily waiting the time of your return. I cannot realize that it is less than a week Since you left. It Seems a month. ...
-Oh my dear dear husband God bless you & Enable you to choose the right path. Do not be discouraged. We will pray for God's help in bearing all our trials. Your loving & true wife
-Hannah
-Wed. Evn'g June 19th (1861)
-My own dear husband,
-I received your letters of the 16th & 17th today. Oh Bowman. I wish I could tell you how much good your letters are to me. Asenath brings them too, between 5 & 6 o'k, -- just the time when I begin to miss you So much, and feel Sad and lonely. I wish that I could feel that mine comfort you as much. Oh darling there is a heart full of you, but the expression of it will not "run down my arms." When I read over my letters, as I Sometimes find time to do, I am always Surprised that they contain So little Expressive of my love for you. They contain So little in comparison to what I feel. They oftentimes Seem to me actually cold. I wish that I could Show you my heart. Take the whole, and look at it!
-And So Mrs. Hinks and Mrs. Devereux are to return. How I Should love to See little Bartie in his corporal's uniform. I don't believe you've a finer looking officer in the regiment. (Excepting the surgeon.) His life at home in Boston St. will Seem very tame to him after these few weeks of Excitement. I think, however, that he will not doubt the propriety of kissing his Mother when he resumes his citizen's dress.
-It was indeed darling very much better that you Should come home rather than that I Should take Such a journey with the little one. I Should have been very much tried had you telegraphed for me. I Should have felt that I must go, but I know that all my friends would have looked upon it as presumption to take a babe there, -- besides they could not have thought me able to take journey. All these things would have made me exceedingly unhappy and anxious, but I Sometimes tremble when I think what a letter may bring forth. Had there been any trouble in Baltimore, and you not been at your post of duty, I Should [have] felt wretchedly, but none of these things (unfortunate) happened So that I am "right glad" that I wrote it. Oh not dare to Say "I'll do it again." I know that we both feel much happier. To be Sure the days begin to lengthen again. Six weeks from tonight looks no nearer than 7 weeks from last Wed night appeared, but oh I am So glad that you have been at home. I live it over and over and over again. Oh how I wish that I could kiss you! but the inevitable cannot.
-I wish that you could have Seen Baby this afternoon, when he was Sitting in a bed of white and red clover, just before the South door. With his white dress and blue ribbons Sitting up to his shoulders in the bed of flowers, he was a beautiful picture, and then there was the "red white and blue." Do you See? He's a beautiful baby darling. God help us to watch over him tenderly and carefully and oh may he never forsake the fold of Christ.
-It is Striking 9 o'ck and I had determined to go to bed Early tonight, So good night my darling husband. May God watch over and bless us and our little one. Oh for your Strong and loving arms tonight! This Steel pen arrangement is a miserable Substitute.
-Thurs. mor'g. Shall go to Aunt Sarah, so that you can imagine me Straying about on the "Plain." Oh if you could only be with me. Dear dear husband I cannot be happy away from you. Today and tomorrow are the longest days of the year. but all the days are long while you are away.
-Your loving wife,
-Hannah
 Camp Essex MD
@@ Line 955: / Line 406: @@
 Bowman
-Thurs. Evn'g June 20th (1861)
-My own dear husband
-I received yours of the 18th today. I might Say note as you Said of mine of the 15th -- but Every word is precious. If it is only a line dont fail to Send it. Carrie Pope acts as penny post and I get them regularly Every day.
-Here are Asenath and Addie getting ready to go to bed. Asenath as a proprietary Exercise. is killing mosquitoes with a Slipper. I did not go to Aunt Sarah's as I Expected to day. Baby did not Seem quite well, and Pa Seemed to think that I had better wait until tomorrow. He Seems perfectly well tonight.
-I think that the medicine that I gave him might have caused him Some pain. His Stools did not look quite right, rather green. although Mother thought there was nothing very bad about them. Dr Perley advised me to put a little tincture of rhubarb with the Magnesia wh I did. Do you approve? Consequently the Extra trouble with him today.--
-I was glad I assure you to See Addie's good face coming in at the door. It has been very warm. and I was very tired. She came just in time to relieve me. He could not sit out of my lap one minute without finding a great deal of fault.
-Oh Bowman if you could be here tonight! It is lovely moon-light Evening. What would I not give to sit in your lap at one of these windows.-- Mrs Newhall (George) told me that her husband had written to know if she would like to have him come home for a few days and She wrote him No. that She would rather he would not come until he came to Stay. I cannot but think that She would feel happier Even for a visit of a few days. but we are not all constituted alike. and She knows best. I live over and over again Every minute of your visit home. It was hard indeed to Say good bye. but I can look forward more hopefully. Everything does not look So dark as before. I am very much better than before I left Lynn. The baby does not tire me as much now as then.
-Oh may the time Soon come when we Shall be again united never to be Separated.
-God bless you my precious. precious husband.-- watch over and protect you is the prayer of your loving wife. I must read alone the beautiful fifty first Psalm.[[#_ftn83|[83]]] How many. many times I have read it.-- How appropriate for the Sin-Sick one. Good night darling.
-Fri. morn'g --
-Another bright fine morning. Baby Seems perfectly well. Dear little fellow asleep in Spite of the noise on the roof Shingling.
-One word about your picture. Do you think it good. Such an Expression as you have on! I'm thankful that you had Some taken in Washington. Did those with whom you Exchanged consider this good. ...
-{{letters_of_dr._bowman_breed_image_3.jpg}}
-Oh Bowman Bowman Bowman; if you could only be with me. I cannot bear this much longer. If I'll write Some Sad things will you get another furlough -- darling
-Your loving wife
-Hannah
@@ Line 1005: / Line 418: @@
 Bowman
-At Uncle Jasper's: Fri. Evn'g June 21st (1861)
-My own dear husband,
-I came this morning here -- have just Succeeded in getting Baby to Sleep. (8.15!) He has Seemed perfectly well all day. was So wild tonight. that he couldn't go to Sleep at his usual time. ...
-You Speak in your letters of the "East wind" at home. I do not like you to call it by that name. it is too harsh. I do not think that I Suffered because the wind blew Stronger, but because there was no loving husband's arms for a Shelter. I had all that I could bear in your absence and the lonelycare of the dear little one. I[t] did indeed Seem hard to have anything added, unnecessary. -- but I think no harm was intended.
-You Speak of a home of our own. Oh Bowman if this could only be! Oh may God Speedily unite us, never again to be Separated. I think Sometimes that perhaps we Should be too happy. God knows what is best for us. He Seeks our good. although while "passing under the rod" we cannot always feel his love. I can but hope that we may Spend the Evening of the 2nd of Aug. together.
-I Suppose that Everything is uncertain. If there Should be a reception in N. York, I Suppose you would hardly be here on the 2nd Should you Start immediately on the Expiration of the term.
-I See by a letter from Camp Essex in the Boston Journal of the 20th that they (the 8th Regt) think of forming a N. England Zouave Regt. having Col. Hinks as commander. Captain Devereux is to have a furlough and Seek recruits in the N.E. States. Do you hear anything about it? It made me feel Sad in Spite of myself. I cannot, cannot feel reconciled to a longer Separation. -- but I will try and leave the future, trusting all things with my Savior. --
-You Speak of that dreadful blunder of Gen. Pierce's.[[#_ftn84|[84]]]It makes one feel heart-sick to read of these Sad failures on the part of our troops. Can it be that our officers as a general thing are insufficient as Soldiers. Oh this wicked wicked war. -- Oh the distress and misery wh it has caused. How many hearts wring with anguish. -- Could we know the aggregate! Could we bear it?
-I'm afraid that I am keeping Uncle and Aunt up. So good night my own dear husband. God bless and keep you. ...
-Your loving and true wife
-Hannah
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 Bowman
 Camp Essex Md
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 Bowman
-Sat. Evn'g June 22nd (1861)
-Oh Bowman my own dear dear husband. Yours of the 20th has [been]brought me not long Since, in wh' you tell me of the treatment received from Dr. Smith. Oh, I cannot bear this! That you Should be abused by Such as he, is too much! I could not help crying when I read of it. Oh if we could only live together. To know that you are unhappy and I cannot throw my arms around your neck, and do all I can to kiss it away. -- It is hard, hard, harder Every day that we are Separated. I know that Such treatment from Such a person can be more Easily forgotten than the Same from one whom we have Esteemed, but it [is] So hard when one is away from those they love, and in doing the best they can do! -- let the Source be what it may. Oh Bowman if I could only write as I feel! but I cannot! I can love, love, love, Sympathize and pray for you. Oh may God in heaven bless you my dear dear one, comfort and Sustain you, and bring us Speedily to Each other's arms.
-Sun'y P.M.
-It may Seem Strange to you that I am home from Church all day. Asenath came home at noon on purpose to Stay with Baby but I felt So lazy that I could not go. I was taken yesterday with my old trouble. I call it trouble because it does not Seem natural. It weakens me to Such an Extent that I feel hardly able to drag myself about this hot day.
-I Suppose that it is what I must Expect Every month, although it does not Seem as if it Should be So, at any rate to Such a degree. This, with the drain of nursing, makes me feel very miserably. Oh that I might feel your Strong and loving arms about me, that I might comfort you, as well as be comforted. You Speak in your last as if it were possible that you might get a Situation in the regular army, or rather if you remain longer it Shall be in the regular Service, but oh Such an afternoon as this makes it Seem So hard to think of being longer Separated. It is Selfish, I know, but oh forgive it in your loving wife who So longs for your comforting words. Remember you have made a child of me, and must Expect childishness, only however, when talking with my dear dear husband.
-Do not think that I am Sick. Am not. -- but Sad, both for you and myself.-- When I think what you have had to bear from Dr. Smith I cannot be reconciled. For you of whom Every one who knows you has Said "A kinder or finer heart never beat" (it's true) to be accused of robbing, yes Stealing from the Sick and Suffering, it is insufferably mean! Is there gentleman Enough about the individual to offer an apology after his temper cools? Has he apologized? Do Col. Hinks and other officers know of it? What do they Say? Oh do have as little as possible to do with him. Treat himpolitely. Show him that you know what decency is., and for the rest "be Still."
-Sab. Eve'g.--
-It is late but I must have one word with my dear husband before I go to bed. Who do you Suppose has been to See me this afternoon? You cannot guess and I might as well tell you. Charles, Abbie and Nellie and George Jones. I was very glad indeed to See them. They asked me to report them to you and Send their love They Seemed very glad indeed to See me and Abbie told Pa that She missed me So much that She must come and See me. I tell you this because I know that it will be a comfort to you to know that I am So kindly regarded by them all.
-Oh Bowman you do not know, I cannot tell you how I miss and long to See you. If I could only be with you tonight, could be in your arms, -- if you are unhappy, do all I can to kiss away your Sorrow, how happy Should I be. Oh Bowman must it be that we must be longer Separated? Oh this is Selfish. It must make you unhappy to know that I am So unreconciled to this Separation when it is So much to your advantage professionally.
-Oh my dear husband, God watch over and protect you, comfort you in all your Sorrows. Good night my darling. -- Mon. morning.
-A bright morning. I have just written Mariannathat I Shall go D.V. on Fri. next. M writes to wish that B. could come too and Spend the night at any rate. God bless you. Baby is well and Sends kisses with his Mamma's to Papa.
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 Camp Essex Md
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 Bowman
-Mon Ev'g June 24th (1861)
-My dear husband.
-I received yours of the 20th tonight in wh you speak of the flag raising. What do you mean? Have you received the flag from Lynn or is it one wh Hinks got in Washington? I am afraid when the ladies who contributed See your acct of a flag raising unless it is the flag from Lynn will think that Mary and I were round on a "fool's Errand". I wish I understood it. It troubles me Somewhat. I Shall be very Sorry if we have done a thing wh may make them think you hasty. besides although all who contributed Seemed to do it with pleasure. yet I know that dollars are not very plenty. Did you tell Col. Hinks that you Expected the one from Lynn? Mary told the ladies upon whom we called that you Said that you Should tell the boys and they would be Expecting it.
-... I Saw your Speech to the members of the 6th alluded to in a letter from one of 6th in the Boston Journal ... "Pertinent remarks of Dr Green Surgeon of the 8th" etc.
-You Speak of Merritt. Couldn't he leave to come home? You know that Mrs. Merritt told me that She Expected to be Sick as Soon as the 22nd. I do hope that he could come. Oh could I bear having you away from me at Such time. I pity oh I pity her So much if She cannot have her husband to comfort and Sustain her in that fearful Struggle. Oh Bowman how much I have and have had for wh. to be grateful to a heavenly Father.
-It is getting late again and Baby wakes So Early. It Seems Sometimes as if I had just got to Sleep. Oh my darling could I only be with you tonight. Oh how long Shall this last? God give his angels charge over us to keep us in all our ways.
-Oh how I long to See you! I Shant be “good” much longer. ... My dear dear husband God bless you keep you. and unite us. never to be again Separated.
-Your loving wife.
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 Bowman
-Tues. Afternoon June 25th (1861)
-My darling husband.
-While waiting for Pa who is to take me to the Plains, trunk all packed, dear little baby asleep, I think I will talk with the dear one of whom I am always thinking. It is one of those warm June afternoons wh' in the city are So oppressive but when in the country So delightful. I can hear nothing as I Sit here by the open window but the humming of the insects, the wind Sighing in the trees, and the Scratching of my pen. I do love the Stillness of the country. It is to me a truer life than the confused and Excited one of the city. but oh I want my dear dear husband. Pa is ready.
-Tues. Ev'g, at Mary's.--
-We called at the High-School house. got your precious letter of the 21st from my dear little penny-post. -- It is true dear husband that while Staying at my old home, I have reviewed the past, have Shed many tears as I thought of the wearisome days and nights wh have been mine, but over and beyond all has been the gratitude for present joy. The joy of a loving husband and darling little one to draw us closer and closer. The little one is doing a great work. Is it not So? He has got Entirely over the cold he got in Lynn, his bowels are in good order. -- he is as cunning as he can possibly be. I only wish that you could Enjoy with me his little ways. Oh Bowman this isn't life! ...
-You Speak again of Mrs Hinks as Still being there or at Baltimore. Did you not write me that She was to leave before this? Oh could I only be with you, how happy, happy Should I be. I know darling that it is the aim of your life to provide a happy home for us where you may fold your dearest ones to your heart and Shield them from all Sorrows. Oh may God make me a worthy wife of So devoted a husband. Oh the bliss of wedded love. A love that grows day by day Stronger and purer. Alldistrust gradually but Surelymeltingaway before the intensity of this great love. Oh Bowman I never knew the meaning of the word happiness until folded in your Strong and loving arms. The clock is Striking ten. The rule for me here is Early to bed, both for Baby's and my own Sake. I feel So much better. Every way better Since you were at home. I am living upon your visit now. Two weeks from today! I look back and try to realize how long it will be. Oh it is long Even in the retrospect, but the prospect! Oh darling good night. god bless you, keep you, comfort and Sustain you.--
-Wed. June 26th
-Good morning darling. I kiss you as much as you want and more if you happen to be Smoking.--
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 Bowman
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 Bowman
-June 27th (1861)
-Thurs. Ev'g
-My own dear husband
-I received your precious letter ... Stating that you are coming in about three weeks. Oh oh oh! I cant wait! You cannot imagine how nervous I have felt Ever since reading the joyful news. I feel Somewhat as I did when I received the telegram Saying "Home tonight on business etc etc. I shall go to W. Newbury as I have written you, because your letters will go there. That of itself is Sufficient attraction. but my visit in Danvers after I return will be delightfully cut Short!-- Mrs. Sleeper the wife of one of the 5th came in today. -- whereupon I Screamed to Lue that my husband was coming home in three weeks. "Well" Said She James wrote me that he was coming before the 4th of July". She afterwards told me that that was a rumor wh they had had in camp. but that they (the 5th) Expected to leave by the middle of July. How many glad hearts then! -- I Should like to pull the bell rope. But oh how many hearts are already aching.-- bursting with anguish, for the loved and lost. I have just been reading the article in the July number of the Atlantic written by Major Winthrop. Although So brilliant and witty. it made me heart-Sick. Do you know whether he was a married man? If not a wife to weep in anguish over his fate. doubtless there were others. near and dear to mourn for him. Perhaps an honored father and beloved Mother. Sisters and brothers. Friends. we know he must have had. Oh this wicked wicked war! Who Shall answer for its misery?
-Then it is Settled that the 8th Shall go back for the war? Oh I cannot I will not talk of it. Wait until you get home. There is Such a painful thrill whenever I think that you may feel called upon to go back! Oh may God guide and direct us. ...
-Oh your letters are my living. The bread, butter and cocoa are for the baby. -- dear little fellow! He is very well.-- but mourns Papa's absence. He thinks him the handsomest man in the world.-- "takes after his mother" in that aspect. It is wonderful how the tastes of the parent are transmitted to the child. Dont you think So? I have Spun along in this crazy kind of a way until I find I am near the End of the Sheet. -- Do not dare Send but one (a la minute) Will he too return for the war? Oh his wife!--
-Oh my darling God watch over you and me and our little one this night. May we love our heavenly Father with Supreme love. Oh I Sometimes tremble when I remember it is written Of your idols I will cleanse you. God preserve us from all Sin. Make us pure and holy.
-Good night dearest. 3 more days in June. and then from 15 to 20 in July. then your loving arms.--
-Fri. mr'g
-All well. off for W. Newbury.--
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 The flags came this morning and are pronounced very beautiful. They will be presented when the regiment returns.
-W. Newbury. Sat mrn'g June 29 (1861)
-My dear darling husband.
-No letter last Evening! I begin to fear that Uncle Jasper forgot to put my letter of the 22nd into the office and that you do not know my whereabouts. Here I am in one of most beautiful of country places. An old farm house. covered completely overshadowed with noble old Elms. The largest of all was planted by Mrs. Everett's Grandfather when it had five leaves! It Sprouted the next year and had two branches but unfortunately (for the tree) his daughter "had a beau" wh. gentleman wishing a Switch to help his horse along broke off one of these branches. The Scar Still remains!
-All the Everett family were delighted to See us. and all I want to make me happy is my dear husband. Thomas is at home. He Says that he waved a newspaper at you while you were going down Broadway but could not get your Eye. He was disappointed in not getting a Situation Such as he desired in the Army. He wrote after the Surgeon of the 71st N.Y. Regt told him that it was just throwing his life away to go as private. to Gov. Andrew for the Situation of Quartermaster's clerk but did not Succeed in getting it.
-Lucy has just come into the room with the baby on her shoulder. and Says "Give my love to Bowman and tell him that if he were only here that I think we could convert him to a love of country life".
-Baby is delighted with country life. He walks out of doors and round about with Such a Satisfied Expression. and then So many new things to look at. The inside of the Stage, red, yellow, blue, and "gold or brass or Something" all round and above was his Especial admiration. He had a genuine frolic all the way up from Newburyport.
-Oh Bowman if you were only here. could have [seen] the little fellow this morning. -- in his little white clean Slip. and walk about with him under these royal old Elms! I would be content with looking out the window. I am counting the days. Certainly in 20 days from now we may Expect to be in Each others arms. God bless and keep you my own precious one. Oh for a kiss now!...
-Excuse this hasty Scrawl. If you cannot read it you will lose but little. I'm afraid of not getting it into the morning's mail. Good bye darling. Baby Sends thousands of kisses. with his Mamas and "I wish you were heres". God bless us and our little one and bring us together.
-Your loving + true wife
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 No regiment yet. You cannot conceive how dull this stillness is after all the noise excitement of a large camp. My life is very monotonous. A walk to the Hospital in the morning. the three meals (poor enough) are all that break the routine of "Dr I want a dose for this that or the other complaint." The pleasantest hour of the day is that which brings about dusk your ever welcome letter. I have the vanity to suppose that you can judge my longings to receive yours by the joy which mine give. The touch of the hand in tracing the lines seems to leave a sort of electricity on the paper which pervades it always. Did you ever come upon the handwriting of some one long since gone and have the touch of the paper thrill you with a long forgotten sensation. I believe in sending kisses on paper. so you can send plenty of yours and the little one's. So too with any thing else touched or worn. Smell of this little flower worn at my buttonhole all day. and see "If any other rose" etc. There seems to be some influence in the personal of each one of us that individualizes each article of raiment and everything used. Take a hundred hats precisely alike. Let them be worn and each hat is changed in some mysterious way and become marked by its wearers stamp. so that we say it is such a one's hat. in a very different sense from that of proprietorship. Is there after all our discussion of "resoluable elements" some mysterious element in even our physical organization which is personal and eternal. I don't know what has led me off into this strain. I received this afternoon my pictures and send you one. It is a very good picture and if you take a magnifying glass you can get a good view of your widowers abiding place. Excuse the pipe. I did not wish to have it but the others insisted that it would look more natural. and so I smoked on.
-{{letters_of_dr._bowman_breed_image_4.jpg}}
 This is my stopping place.
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Howard County, MD in the Civil War

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